


no time for cameras (we'll be gone when we're dead)

by chemicalpixie



Series: glory and gore go hand in hand (that's why we're making headlines) [15]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Blood, F/F, Italics, Knives, Propaganda, SHSL Despair - Freeform, Torture, Vomit, axes, ultimate despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7549546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalpixie/pseuds/chemicalpixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“junko took mahiru and comforted her and held her close and mahiru pretended to love her until she realized that she actually did. it turned out she loved junko more than anything else, more than anyone else, and she was going to make everyone in the entire world love junko in the way that she did.”</p><p>or; mahiru koizumi's descent into despair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no time for cameras (we'll be gone when we're dead)

mahiru's earliest memory was that her mother was gone. all she'd ever wanted was for her mother to notice her, and she was never there. so mahiru took pictures. pictures for the moments that her mother missed, and pictures for the rare moments that she was, and pictures because that's what her mother did and maybe that would finally make her notice her daughter. but it never did.

//

even when she was accepted into the most prestigious high school simply for her photography, her mother didn't notice beyond sending a card. but it was okay. mahiru was a grown up, almost. she didn't need her mother taking care of her anymore. she had friends, and she had a homeroom teacher and she had a girlfriend, even (but she couldn't tell anyone, she couldn't let anyone know she was anything less than straight, they could _hate_ her and _tease_ her and _hurt_ her). and everything was going well until they found the body. 

//

and mahiru loved satou more than anything else in the world. she would do anything for satou, and she knew satou would do anything for her. and so when natsumi threatened satou and bullied mahiru (because natsumi must _hate_ her, must hate her and satou for being...what they were to each other), and natsumi turned up dead, mahiru knew. she knew. she _knew_. satou must've killed her. mahiru couldn't believe it. she couldn't. she just _couldn't_. 

//

after they found the body, everything went to hell. satou had died, and makiru couldn't get it out of her head that it was her fault. satou killed natsumi because of her, because natsumi was teasing her, and satou died because she killed natsumi, so that made it all her fault, right? and she couldn't look at hiyoko or ibuki or mikan without wanting to vomit, because in place of them all she could see was the bodies of satou and natsumi, with their hair _bloody_ and _matted_ and _tangled_. she kept leaving class to vomit, to carve out her esophagus with _acid_ and _regret_ and _guilt_. she had loved satou so much (so _very_ much) and now she was gone, and mahiru couldn't keep it together. 

//

and so she began dating hiyoko, to keep the _nightmares_ and the _vomit_ and the _shattering_ under the surface. and she couldn't say that whenever she kissed mahiru she pretended it was satou, and that she wished she was doing anything else. and so one day, junko had found her alone, crying in the hallway in an odd mix of _fear_ and _shame_. she'd asked why mahiru was crying and mahiru couldn't lie. she couldn't. she'd told enough lies already. she couldn't do it. the whole story spilled out. she told her about the _murders_ ( _god_ , the _murders_ ) and the _vomiting_ , and the _pretending_ , and junko held her close, patting her back. and then when, weeks later, junko suggested mahiru take pictures of her, mahiru couldn't refuse. if she refused, junko could tell everyone about her. and so mahiru took the pictures, and smiled as she did, despite the bile rising in her throat. 

//

and junko kept making her do things. she made her install cameras all over one building of the school for some reason that mahiru didn't know and that she didn't want to understand. as she did it, junko watched her, talking all about how “something great would happen here and i need to capture _every_ second of it.” and when mahiru turned back to look at junko, she could barely breathe. junko's grin reflected something that almost looked like blood, and mahiru had to fight the urge to be sick. 

//

“'i'm sorry,” mahiru said. that was all she could say.  
hiyoko slapped her. mahiru deserved it. she'd just broke up with her, after all.  
“i'm really sorry,” mahiru called again, as hiyoko stormed away. there were tears burning down mahiru's cheeks. she wished that she'd never gotten herself into this.

//

junko took mahiru and comforted her and held her close and mahiru pretended to love her until she realized that she actually did. it turned out she loved junko more than anything else, more than anyone else, and she was going to make everyone in the entire world love junko in the way that she did. 

//

on the day the world was ending, mahiru had her camera to document it all. she took pictures of the screaming crowds, of the bullet riddled bodies, of the burning buildings and cities, and of the crying children. she compiles all these pictures into a video later, ending it with some tasteful shots of junko and posting it under the username “ultimate despair”. that is what she and her friends are here to do, right? make the entire world despair, like junko wanted. 

//

there is one last thing mahiru needs to do. she _has_ to do it. it is for junko. she would do anything for junko, if she only asked, and so mahiru goes to a list of fourteen addresses and takes pictures of the apartments and homes, empty and decimated. she takes pictures of the people (and one cat) that she finds there, tied up and gagged and crying and screaming (and mewling _pathetically_ ) for mercy. mahiru leaves them there, tied up and crying. she regrets it, almost for a moment, and then remembers it is what junko wanted. she does not regret it, after that. how could she regret something junko told her to do? she uploads the video files and sends them to an obscure email address that junko had left her. she deletes them shortly after. the regret she'd almost had for a moment was a sign of weakness, and mahiru cannot be reminded of the fact that she once doubted junko. she loves junko more than her own life is worth, after all. and if mahiru does not truly love junko, then how can she make sure that the world loves junko just as much as she does?

//

one day, as she is traveling to sonia's kingdom to take shots of sonia for the videos (the videos that are racing up in views and causing more and more people to _claim_ they are part of the group, the videos that mahiru makes so the world will understand that it was under their control) she encounters a man. he doesn't tell her his name, simply leers at her and asks her for her number. mahiru takes her tiny pocket knife, the one she keeps in her camera bag, and stabs him until he cries. his body is covered in bright pink when she's done. the blood covers her hands and she smiles as she takes pictures of his corpse. 

//

the video of sonia speaking (of sonia _talking_ , addressing the world, telling them that ultimate despair had total control over them) has gotten more views than anything else mahiru had ever done. she is showing the world what they could do, and she has never been more proud of her work. when she gets home, a man breaks into her apartment that she's carved out for herself. she hits him over the head with a baseball bat she keeps by her desk. while he is unconscious, she ties him up and strips him. when he wakes up, he's practically drooling. he doesn't understand what she is going to do. she gets closer, breathing hot in his ear, pretending every moment that he is someone else (someone like _junko_ or _satou_ or _hiyoko_ , someone with _hips_ and _curves_ and _breasts_ , someone who was _kind_ and _gentle_ and _soft_ ) before whispering in his ear.  
“i hate men.”  
“what?” he asks, taken aback.  
“i hate men,” she repeats, more carefully this time, before hacking away at his arm with ax. she cries as he screams. his screams were such an amazing thing to hear.  
“what the fuck, woman?” he shouts, when she was done. mahiru screams in rage, a kind of primal rage she's never experienced before as she hacks at his legs.  
after that, he isn't that responsive, so she leaves him alone. it isn't any fun if she can't hear his _screams_ and _gasps_ and _moans_. she likes knowing that what she's doing _hurts_. 

//

she hears rumors, one day, that mikan is gone. not that she cares much about mikan, but kuzuryuu and peko are also gone. no one can contact them or find their whereabouts, and so mahiru holes up in her apartment. whoever is finding her friends can't take her if they can't find her. but it turns out one day they do find her. she's editing a video when she turns around and sees that her photos are gone. not just her pictures, but her pictures of men dead and dying. those are the most important pictures. then they grab her. the men in white take her arms and press a cloth to her mouth and she can't let them do this, they're _men_ (the world begins to blur around her) she has to stop them (black spots appear in the corners of her vision) she has to before they take anything else _she has to she has to she has to_ -


End file.
